Losing You
by xtomboy18x
Summary: Life comes with a lot of grief and sorrow. But within all that is that one speck of light that changes the grief and sorrow into hope. And that's all she needs. COMPLETE.
1. Childhood Memories

I've just finished playing Dragon Age: 2 and I feel like not enough emotion was displayed through Hawke's loss with her sister and mother. So, I decided to add some raw emotion to the mix. I hope you like it! :)

**Disclaimer: All rights go to Bioware; I own nothing.**

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><p><em>"Bethany!"<em>

Lillian Hawke wasn't even sure it was her own voice or her mothers that she heard. For a moment, time stood still. Everything was in slow motion. She could see her sister running to protect their mother from that devil spawned ogre.

_"Look, papa!", squealed a little girl with brown eyes and hair as black as her mothers. "I did it! I did it!"_

_An older man looked over to his six year old daughter, chuckling at her enthusiasm. "My, you are certainly a fast learner. Maybe we can practice that ice spell you've been dying to learn." _

Blue eyes clouded with tears as Lillian watched her sister try to ward off the ogre with an ice spell. It didn't even phase it. With a blood curdling crunch, the ogre grabbed Bethany's small frame and crushed her against the ground. She went down twice but it only took one for Bethany to leave this world and be with the Maker.

_"Papa, do you think I can be as strong as sister?"_

Lillian couldn't do anything. She wasn't fast enough, strong enough. Her own magic was weak compared to the might of the ogre. It was never enough.

_Leandra watched as her two daughters played with their magic outside in the back, safe from the ever watchful eyes of the Templars. She watched with pride and love as they squabbled over who's magic skills where better than the other. 'They are going to do so much in this world.', she thought with a smile._

"Bethany! It's over, the battle's over! Wake up!", Leandra cried, holding her baby girl's lifeless form against her chest.

Lillian rushed to her side, battle staff forgotten. All she could do was stare at her little sister's body. A moment ago, Bethany was alive. Laughing so hard at one of Carver's stupid jokes, crying when the Templars took their father away, singing a joyful tune while helping mother clean that poor excuse of a home. _Living._

She could hardly choke out the words that were so empty and held nothing. "She died bravely, mother."

Leandra quickly turned on her oldest, her voice filled with pain, "I don't want a hero, I want my daughter. Why weren't you watching her? Protecting her?"

Lillian could only look down in shame. She knew there was nothing she could of done but her mothers words hit a sensitive spot none the less. She knew she let her down, let everyone down. Even Bethany.

_"When I grow up, I want to be a strong mage like you!" _

She never got the chance.


	2. A New End

**Diclaimer: All right go to Bioware; I own nothing.**

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><p>Lillian wanted nothing to do with that blighted hole. The Dark Roads was all everyone could ever talk about. She had hoped that coming to the Hanged Man would help make her forget, not remember.<p>

Every blasted time the words, _"Did you hear what happened in the Deep Roads?"_ reached her ears, eyes would dart to her, knowing full well that the subject was raw. That her _heart_ was still raw. It was never a good conversation topic. It only made things worse.

Luckily, Varric would save her, like he usually did, "That's an old story, very boring. If you _really _want a story, I'll tell ya' one about the time Anders and the golden platoons..." And everytime, she would order the strongest whiskey they had. It was always like that. A distraction. That is what Lillian relied on. What she _had_ to rely on. Anything to take the memories away.

_"Maybe.. we could... take a little break..?", came a strained voice behind her. Lillian turned her head towards her brother. _

_"If you need to rest, we can stop for a little while." _

If only she knew.

_"No.. I-"._

_"Carver!" Lillian quickly ran to his side. Carver's once tanned skin was already turning sickingly pale, deep dark shadows clouding his eyes. 'Just like Wesley.' She tried to push that thought away, choking down the old familiar feeling of fear._

_"I.. don't think.. I'll make it..", tears that she tried so hard to keep in betrayed her, "..to the surface."_

_"No, no, you'll make it," She exclaimed frantically. She would save him. He will make it. They both knew she was lying._

_"We can go to Anders!" She was rambling now, not willing to accept the reality of the situation. "He's not that far, we can have him heal you and-" She was interrupted by a cold, shaking hand on her shoulder._

_"I won't make it. There is only.. one way.." _

Just like Bethany.

_"You can't ask me to do this!", Lillian yelled, tears clouding her vision. "I won't kill my own brother!"_

She can still see Carver's face, twisted in pain. She can see him smile. His real smile. That _damned_ smile.

_"Take.. care of.. mother." Those were the last words he spoke. Lillian looked at the dagger in her hands. The weapon that would end Carver's life. _

_With slow, shaky hands, Lillian brought the dagger to Carver's heart. Knowing what was to come, Carver closed his eyes and sighed one, last breath. The last breath he would ever breathe. _

_Lillian looked away as she pushed the dagger through his heart. Tears overflowed as she screamed out her grief and sorrow. Screamed for Carver, for Bethany. For herself. _

She will never get them back.


	3. A New Beginning

Blood. That was what Lillian remembered. Little pools of blood, bubbling fresh and warm. She knew it was over the moment she had seen all that _blood._ No, she knew before. White lilies. She had a chance. She could of done something, anything. But she was just too late.

_"There's another trail of blood!" Lillian continued to follow the endless pools of blood, ignoring the sharp pain in her chest and the fear in her heart. _

_"It seems like that Urchan boy was telling the truth." Aveline's words reached deaf ears. The only thing on Lillian's mind right now is the blood. Her _mother's_ blood. That is the only thing they had (_she _had) and Lillian wasn't going to fail like she did Bethany and Carver. Not again._

_As they winded over the twists and turns of the alley ways, the blood trial stops at the old floundry. Memories of her last visit washed over her. Nennette's dead corpse, nothing left but a finger. 'That's what is going to happy to mother,' Lillian pushed those thoughts away. No, she will not let that happen again. She is not going to lose the last thing she had._

_The stench of raw blood hit her so hard that she had to cover her mouth to stop vomiting. Squinting her eyes through the bloody haze, she spotted a small, very faint puddle leading up the floundry stairs. _

_'Mother!'_

She was _so close!_

_When Lillian opened that door, time stood still. A man, crazed and foul was talking. But that wasn't what made Lillian's heart stop and the loss of her voice. Turning around, in a dirty white wedding gown, was her mother. _

_"Don't you just LOVE her..?" The crazed man was speaking now. Her eyes were still locked on her mother's dead grety ones. _

_" I tried to find all the right pieces, of course, some where hard to find but I knew I would find them!" _

_"Oh, you've seen my lovely creation?" He was talking to Lillian now. _

That sick, twsited _bastard._

_"Come, my dear. Show our guests our marvelous work!"_

_Her mother.. No, she wasn't her mother any longer. That _thing_ started shuffling her feet, wobbling to her 'creator'. _

_"She said you'd come, you know.." Lillian's eyes darted back to that physcopathe and then back to the makeshift Leandra. _

_"But I guess you were just too late!" His laugh, was the most sickest, foul exhale of air ever to reach Lillian's ears. _

His laugh still haunts her. In her dreams, she hears it. It's a sick, twisted nigtmare that never ends.

_"Now, see my power" Undead where bursting through the ground, shades at every turn._

_Lillian's heart was crushed. For losing Bethany, Carver, and now her mother. Anger started to boil in her blood, taking all that grief and sorrow, she pulled it all into her magic. _

_With hot tears staining her eyes, she cast the most powerful spell her father ever taught her and Bethany, the combined magic of fire and ice. _

_When all the abominations where destroyed, she fixded her cold, blue eyes on the blood mage who did all this. Who did this to mother. _

_"You cannot defeat me!" That was the last thing he said before Lillian shot a massive fireball, charring him of all his flesh and turning his bone's to dust untill there was nothing left._

_Turning her back, she felt the pressence of something. Falling before her was her mother. Her _real _mother._

_Kneeling down with her in her arms, Lillian tried to choke out words, any words that would help._

No words could bring her mother back.

_"I knew you would come, darling." Leandra looked up lovingly towards her daughter, praise in her voice. _

_"I should of came sooner, I sh-should of," Lillian couldn't finish. Her tears wouldn't let her._

_"Hush, darling. It's okay. I am so proud of you." Lillian held her mother's dying form closer to her, trying to hold on as long as the Maker wills her._

_"I can finally be with Bethany, Carver... and your father." Leandra smiled at the thought of rejoining her family. "Do not be sad, my love. You couldn't do anything. What's important is that you came." _

_"No, we can still save you!" Leandra shook her head, a silent 'no'. _

_Lillian quickly turned on Anders, who stayed back with the others watching the scene._

_"Anders, heal her! Use that magic of yours and heal her!" _

She knew no magic could bring her mother back.

_"I-I can't. She was living in this world only because of the blood mage. When he died, the connection split. There is nothing I can do-"_

_"Nothing you can do? You are a healer, fix her! I will not let my mother die! I will not fail her like I did Bethany and Carver! You don't understand!" She was choking on her own tears, tears that wouldn't stop comming down. She knew she lost her mother. She just didn't want to accept it._

_"I'm sorry, darling." Leandra put her hand on her daughters cheek, wiping away the few tear stains. "I can finally be at peace." _

_With one last breath, Leandra was with the living no longer. _

_"No! Mother! Please, don't leave me! Mother!" _

_"No!"_

The slam of a cup from a table in the shadows stopped all chatter in the pub. All eyes watched a hooded figure walking through the door.

Lillian let out a long, exaughsted sigh. Putting her hand on her stomache, Lillian smiled. Her family might have been tooken away from her, but she can still continue their legacy.

Keeping a little piece of her family with her.


End file.
